When My Child Refused to Accept His Kid Brother
When My Child Refused to Accept His Kid Brother
When a mother is expecting again, more often than not, kids are made aware of this fact. If these kids are older than 5 years, then they might also have or develop a specific set of expectations. For our first post in “Pinterviews”, we are talking to a father whose first child somehow strongly believed a sister is on her way. However, he was blessed with a little brother instead. How did he react? Let’s find out.
The Belief, The Reaction & The Convincing
So how did Ayush develop this belief that he is going to get a sister?
Three months before the delivery, few of our relatives came and stayed with us. They all wanted a baby girl and kept talking about it. They kept telling Ayush that he will be getting a sister.
That kind of got his mind set. Good names were discussed. Ayush also brought back baby girl name ideas back from school. He gave us all the names he liked that belonged to his classmates.
Did you and his mother want a daughter as well?
We did, but we never said this in front of him. We always said, "We don’t know what you'll get, but of either a boy or a girl would be great."
What was his first reaction when he was told he is blessed with a brother?
Even while going to the hospital, he was told that it’s time for his little sister to come.
When he finally found out, it's a boy, he started crying, and said, “What is this, who did you bring, we wanted a girl, take him back!”
When I told him, that it's not some kind of grocery shopping, this can’t be changed, he continued to cry for an hour.
How did you convince him that a brother will not be that bad after all?
Everyone tried to convince him. But he didn’t seem to accept. Then I sat with him. He has a strong belief in god because of his late grandmother. He takes a shower in the morning and sits in the Pooja, and so I decided to use it. I told him, “See, this is decided by God. Neither we get to decide, nor the doctors. God must’ve felt that you should have a baby brother, so he has sent one for you. Now you should love him as much as you would’ve your sister.” This somehow convinced him.
Then finally we were given permission to go inside, and he insisted on coming along with me. I requested the doctor and we went in together with precautionary masks and all. When he saw his little brother again, he forgot everything else.
Second Chances & Jealousy Management
Has he ever insisted on another child, to have his chance at having a sister?
Nope, never after that first day did he resent having a brother instead of a sister. In fact, now if my wife sometimes indulges herself, and style the little baby’s hair into ponies, Ayush doesn’t like it. He says, “That’s my little brother, don’t make him a girl.”
Is he sometimes jealous or envious of the attention his brother is getting?
Nope. I was already warned by some great friends, and that helped. If mom is there with the younger one, then I should be with the elder child. We should never let him feel that the attention is now indeed divided between the both of them.
And how do manage that?
There are no new Gifts for the little one according to Ayush. Whenever we have to buy new stuff for little Om we are careful that they are not perceived as gifts. For e.g., if we get a new T-shirt, we put in Ayush’s almirah and tell Ayush to get it, saying that this is your old T-shirt, and you should wear it. When he says, “How can I? This is so small for me now!” Then we tell him to give it to his little brother.
Sibling Rivalry & A Solemn Advise
What is your take on sibling rivalry?
With age, it’s not completely avoidable, but parents do have an important role to play. It’s our faults which might end up spoiling their relationship.
Right now, their bond is adorable. Once we went for vaccination, and Ayush cried as much as his younger brother. But the Doctor said all this love is just for two years. When I asked him, why does he think that way, he told us, he has two daughters, and they fight terribly, hurting each other physically too. He said that siblings of the same gender tend to fight more.
And on top of that, two boys is a lethal combination. It is because so many things are common. They start to chase each other, and then it’s a problem.
Coming back to Ayush’s reaction, do you think parents should not share the news?
Can’t say for sure for everyone, but for me, my son felt more involved from the very beginning. But, they shouldn’t have set his mind for the gender of the baby. In our case, my wife was very cautious, I was careful too, but unfortunately, few of our relatives were slightly careless.
How can we best prepare our first borns for the acceptance of a little new addition to the family?
Everyone should be united in their opinion, too many people and too many different opinions confuse the child. The child is really dependent on you. And mother’s attention is unavoidably divided at the time of pregnancy, so special care should be taken.
Any other incidence of a ready acceptance or harsh reaction that you’ve come across from Ayush.
None actually. There is a funny one, he was sitting while Om was getting a Massage, he probably tried some mischief, and his mother scolded him. So he told Om, “See, I’m getting scolded because of you.”
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